i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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