nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
