if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you win again, gameday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
