Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love having hate sex.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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