I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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