My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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