I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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