Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude. I can hear the air.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
