Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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