Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
