yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
