I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize