its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
