I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
