Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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