stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
