i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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