I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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