I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
