think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
