Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
