I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
