could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
