Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize