Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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