I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
