Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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