its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
