Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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