i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
