My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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