I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
