sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize