According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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