No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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