So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
