She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
