I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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