kristin has been a bad kristin
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
