ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
