Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
