I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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