I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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