So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
