I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
