If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
