I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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