1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
