well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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