No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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