Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
