Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
