It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
