Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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