Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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