hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
