The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
