No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
