Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
