On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
