Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
