remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
