I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize