You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
