i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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