News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's never too late to be topless.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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